Equanimity Balances Social Reactivity | Step 15 of Awakening in 30 Steps

Whereas the steps leading to the first milestone of renunciation cultivated the view and skills for individual freedom, we have now transitioned to a series of steps leading to the second milestone of altruism.

This transition in emphasis from self liberation to liberation of others, is predicated on an understanding of interdependence. Even while we could be individually free, we are also inextricably bound to a matrix of inter-relationality with others. Therefore we must cultivate a holistic view and universal compassion.

The first step in the development of compassion is working with our socio-emotional tendencies and reactions. We need to observe how we automatically express:

1) clinging and conditional love to love ones.

2) aversion and anger to enemies.

3) disinterest towards strangers.

Now notice the restrictive lens or view through which we have filtered these three categories of people. What has been included, what has been omitted?

And notice the stories we can create on the basis of these categories which amplify our emotional responses.

Now can we slowly try to cultivate and extend:

1) Unconditional love to loved ones, wishing they be happy regardless of how they relate to us.

2) Universal compassion for our enemies, wishing they be free from the causes of suffering that may be motivating their unacceptable behaviors.

We can of course set boundaries with people, but what about the subtle motivation or intentional energy we harbor? Longterm what are we doing for them and our own minds if we hold on to anger and disgust?

After we have taken care of our own wounded child, what happens if we pray for the terrified child in the beings that have hurt us?

Maybe it’s not possible at this time. That’s OK. Only you know when it is appropriate to begin to balance your reactions.

3) Genuine interest in strangers. Can we go beyond 2D and begin to see the complex stories and experiences of each and every person. One day they could become a loved one.

Learn more about the gradual path to awakening with the Lam Rim Meditation course.